In the future we'll all be gay
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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