Soap is not a condiment
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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