Kiss
Puke
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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