Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
