I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize