These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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