I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
