Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize