There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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