I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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