I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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