There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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