you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
