Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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