Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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