Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
