ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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