dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can I color on your dick again?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
