sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
