I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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