What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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