He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
