Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
