living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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