Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
