Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
