Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ugly people sure do ruin things
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
