Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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