Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
