I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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