i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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