So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
