If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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