He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize