And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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