DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also, beer. Big fan.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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