I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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