Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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