cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
