If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
