singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
