She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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