i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize