So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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