I just saw a hot homeless man
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
