He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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