Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
