I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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