I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
