someone threw a dead crab at me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
