He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
