So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
