If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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