After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
