Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
