The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
