ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
