Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize