He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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