What a fucking waste of an outfit
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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