i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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