Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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