Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
