Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
