HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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