I must be too annoying 4 u.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
