My friends, they love my intelligence
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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