YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
