margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
grandma shit on top of the toilet
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
